Daniel Clegg has been appointed by the cabinet as Minister of Porn and Top-Shelf Hobbies.
The minister explains: “I’ve read a lot on the subject and and during my Teens to late 20’s was somewhat of a collector of the printed matter. so much so, it managed to raise my bed by a couple of inches, and my bed sheets by several. I even had a special edition which had celebs in it, but that was confiscated one day by my Geography teacher. I took it into school as a dare, but the exotic material was confiscated, and my parents informed.
But this is the 21st centure not the 1980’s, So now thanks to the internet, you can’t get away from the stuff, which is why you need someone to ensure that the great country of Ladonia receives only decent porn, and not the stuff that promises much and delivers little. In this vast and wonderful technological age, it is very easy for the really good stuff to be over diluted by the really awful stuff, like that video I saw the other night featuring a bored housewife. She wasnt good looking and what she was doing on the kitchen counter was hardly hygenic but I digress.
Also I feel that porn itself should be free as a bird, which is a strange expression because if you go into a pet shop you have to pay for the budgies!
One of my first duties will be in attempting to reclaim the long lost celeb porn magazine, captured by my ex-geography teacher, followed by a fact finding mission to Hugh Heff’s Playboy Mansion with several tubs of swarfega and a rubber chicken that squeaks.
I have no history of mental illness, and I don’t wear glasses which is surprising when you think about it!”